Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
