After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You work out of a Hotel?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
