i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
