I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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