Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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