he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
