I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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