were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
