so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
