I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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