Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
