She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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