Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
