He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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