I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
