your parents love me but you hate me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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