Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
