Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
