you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She's JV to your varsity
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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