Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
