The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
