I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
