Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
