Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
