sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
