Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
