im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
