no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
