you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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