she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
