I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
