I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
