she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
