i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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