And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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