i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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