Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
