you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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