so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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