I hate all girls vehemently.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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