ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
