She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
