If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
