it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
