i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
