Got a toothbrush?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My ass is underappreciated
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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