The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
