It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
