Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
