my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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