we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
