I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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