Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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