So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
