Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will pee on everything he values.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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