I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
