Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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