And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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