New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
