I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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