I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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