if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
