I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
