so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
