apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
