i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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