so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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