I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
