You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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