were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
