hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
