So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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