Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
