she was so not down for the gang bang
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
