If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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