I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize