then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she told me i tasted like america
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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