i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
