i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need to calm my uterus...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
