I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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