Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
