census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
