sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
