You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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