I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wear drunk well.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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