I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
