Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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