apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
