You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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