They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
