Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
