I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
